I’m that mom that wants so bad for my kids to be older and self-sufficient and at the same time gets upset when the kids actually become older. Anyone else? Nope. Probably just me.
This picture tells that story. So dang cute now but the drool and the crawling everywhere and the diapers and the terrible twos and the mess and the decibel level. It’s like I want them to be able to tie their own shoes and feed themselves but remain 2-foot-tall, hilarious toddlers walking around the house without clothing at all times of the day, too. Where did that go? I can’t get my kids to stop with the dress up and the clothes now. Wasn’t it just yesterday I couldn’t force a pair of pants on them?
Motherhood, I find, is full of this contradiction. The days drag on (painfully at times, if I’m honest) and yet the last seven years and blazed past me. I haven’t gotten that “seize the moment” and “enjoy this time, it’s the best time of your life” thing down. Nope. I’m the mom that misses my kids like a crazy woman when I’m traveling and then about 10-minutes after I’m home the noise and the fighting and the 3 little voices talking over one another and the sass…oy, I want to retreat to my office. How is it possible to feel 2 opposite emotions about motherhood at the same time?
We had our homeschool first day of school a couple of weeks ago. I finally got around to editing one of them. It’s the first photo of the girls where I can see what they’re going to look like as adults. The 20-year-old version of Teagan is in her eyes now. The 35-year-old version of Boston that has these same feelings about her own kids is staring at me in this picture. It’s almost easier to see these older versions than the 1-year-old versions of the past, now.
They’re getting older. Time is ticking by. I want to freeze it right now. For me that means I stare at this photo for too long while they sleep quietly in their beds. Tomorrow, I’ll have moments where I want them to be able to drive themselves to soccer practice. Not right now though. Right now I love the little 6-year-old and 5-year-old girls and I never want them to get a second older. Nope, not one second older.