That One Dress I Never Want to Take Off
You guys, there’s this dress I own and we just need to chat about it for a minute.
It has actual pockets.
I’ve worn this thing everywhere and each time, someone (usually a fellow mom in the trenches who is craving wine at 9:00 in the morning because her kids are blowing their noses into their clean clothing and she no longer has the energy to say anything) stops me to ask me two questions:
- Is that dress as comfortable as it looks?
- Where do I get it?
I wore it during a photoshoot with my husband last month because slimming in the hip area.
I even wore it on stage for the last 2 talks I gave simply because I feel it’s a disservice to keep the information about this dress to myself. Everyone needs to know about it.
So here it is:
This bubble dress right here is made of 100% pure angel wings and was sent from Jesus above so that we moms know we’re loved and just by being who we are, we’re saving up treasures in heaven. And not just any treasures, y’all — like wine cellars full of treasures up in there. We deserve the kind of break this dress is offering.
When you buy this dress it will be packed with love, unicorn sweat, and shipped free because Jeff Bezos said so (don’t quote me on the unicorn sweat, it’s just what I suspect).
That’s right, it’s an Amazon dress. Grab a book, some groceries, that cord your dog destroyed, an organizer for all the junk papers that end up in every room of the house, a box of cookies you’ll no doubt not share and a dress all at the same time. Amazon, we love you.
So, to answer the burning questions:
- Yes, it’s comfortable. You don’t need to pee through the hole in your spanx any longer, ladies (because let’s be honest, that hole does not work, nomsayin). Let it all hang out because this dress won’t show your arm flab or your leftover baby gut that’s been around so long you’re thinking about naming it.
- It’s stretchy cotton and washes like a dream. You don’t need to hang it. Leave it in the laundry basket and throw it on when you’re ready to wear it.
- They have sizes S through XXL (they even have a plus sized listing that goes up to 3x). I prefer the extra room for less restriction should I decide I want to do a work out in this thing. And by “work out” I mean watch Facebook videos of people falling while I drink wine and laugh until my sides hurt. That counts, I heard.
- You can get it RIGHT HERE on Amazon Prime. It’s by 12AMI.
- It will cost you like $20-30 so you have extra room in the envelope for things that really matter. Like that Pumpkin Spice mug you saw on Instagram that also costs $20-30.
- There are like one billion color options and if you’re anything like me all but about one of them are showing up at your door this week. Maybe hide that from your husband. I don’t condone secrets in a marriage except when it comes to buying 385 of the same item of clothing. Nobody needs that kind of side eye, ladies.
Hope you love this dress as much as I do. I plan to basically wear this dress exclusively for the rest of my life.