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31 Things | Joy & 3:35pm

July 20, 2012 by Lindsay Teague Moreno Leave a Comment

So happy to have this project done. I hope it has inspired you to write down your own stories. Keep an eye out at Big Picture for the second edition of the 31 Things class. I have heard that Ali may be putting one on.

Story 30: 3:35pm | “Feeling Happy”

• kennedy sleeping in her crib (but stirring so i know she’s almost up)
• boston, teagan and i hanging out in the kitchen eating some fresh berries (strawberries, blueberries & blackberries) for snack
• a new cleaning lady has finished cleaning the master bedroom and is onto the front bathroom
• adult Contemporary music playing on the satellite radio feed on the television in the living room
• the girls giggling over the word “butt”
• the smell of a clean house wafting through my house
• the hot afternoon sun pouring through the windows at the back of the house and in the bedroom
• i’m anticipating michael home from work pretty soon after a hard day
• dinner is prepped and ready for the oven (orange chicken, mandarin oranges and baby baked potatoes)
• the girls are finally feeling better after a 2 week battle with colds
• i’m so excited it’s almost the weekend (father’s day weekend)
• i’m feeling happy

Story 31: Joy | “I Don’t Belong Here”

recently, i’ve started to realize that my life seems to be a rollercoaster of emotion. i find that I’m never sitting in the feeling of pure bliss or agonizing heartache for long periods of time. i recover quickly from both to get back to this middle ground. i’m always feeling like there should be something more, like I don’t really belong here.
it’s because i don’t belong here. this is not my home. i’ve tried striving and i’ve tried being lazy. nothing seems to quell the feeling of ill-content. most of the time i just have this lingering feeling like i’m not settled. the feeling that i shouldn’t unpack everything because this isn’t where i should be. i believe this is more than just where i am physically. my place is not on this earth and my heart wants to be where God is. i won’t be filled by anything else on this earth. not my kids. not my husband. not the place that i live. not my posessions.

i know i need to experience the heartache and the joy of this life because it’s God’s plan for me. i’ve always said that it takes experiencing despair to fully understand and appreciate joy. i find that this is reiterated in my relationships and throughout my life. it takes saying the same thing over 31,267 times to revel in the feeling when your children actually learn the lesson you’ve been trying to teach them. it takes the loss of someone so important to fully understand the love you have for those closest to you.

i still have lessons to learn and there is still purpose for my life. that’s why i’m here. there is more heartache to come and there’s also uncomparable joy.

right now my joy is my family. as long as i have them i can pretty much do anything and make it through any situation. they make me happy every day (even when they drive me crazy). i am blessed by God beyond what words can express. they make my life doable. michael, teagan, boston and kennedy – they are my joy.

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Project Life Tuesday: July 12 of 12

July 17, 2012 by Lindsay Teague Moreno Leave a Comment

Do you guys do this: Finish a page and tell yourself you’re done but you know there’s just something “not right” about it?

I do and 99% of the time, I go back and redo these types of pages or I add something once I’ve had time to walk away from it.

This is one of those types of pages for me. It’s like there’s something missing or it’s just not in the right order. I am posting it now, but chances are good, it will look different before I print this book.

I did the same with my Project Life title page. I went back a couple of months ago and changed a few things and I finally feel like it’s complete. I’ll post the before and after in a post coming up.

Here’s my July 12 of 12 layout. Something’s just not right about it. What is it? Too much of something? Not enough of another? My eye doesn’t like the position of the photo strip but I was having a hard time balancing the page with it anywhere else. Maybe it’s just that I had a bad attitude on the 12th so the pictures aren’t my favorite. Not sure.

Here are both spreads together.

Left Side

Right Side

Close-up on journaling

31 Things: Story 28 & 29

July 16, 2012 by Lindsay Teague Moreno Leave a Comment

Can’t believe we’re almost through all 31 stories. A lot of time went into these so I’m happy to see the project completed. I’m glad that my girls will have a very real and unfluffy view of who I am right now and what I’m feeling in this stage of life. I’m sure in another 10 years I’ll look back and give myself a facepalm over some of these stories (like I would if I had written these at 22), but that’s okay.

Today’s stories are lighter on content as far as deep, personal feelings go, but they’re still a part of me. The themes for the stories were “drink” and “smell.”

Story 28: Drink | “Dr. Pepper and Sweet Tea”

there are a few things that i like to drink. one is dr. pepper and the other is sweet tea. both terrible for me but oh, so tasty. at certain points in the day or on occasion, i also drink coffee, water, milk and sometimes beer or wine.

i can’t believe i can actually say i have given up dr. pepper this year (actually, all soda). i had a few while camping in may but haven’t since we got back. i need to get my daily caffeine fix and i usually stop through mcdonald’s when i’m out for a tea. i’m trying to watch my diet so i’ve been ordering my sweet tea half cut. it doesn’t taste as good, but it has the caffeine i need and just enough sugar to taste good. mcd’s makes good tea.

i don’t drink nearly enough water…there, i said it. i should drink much more, but i have to choke it down after the first bottle. not a fan. i’m much better about getting water into my body since addy was born and i’m focused on losing weight.

in the mornings i usually have a cup of coffee with creamer. it has to be dunkin’ donuts coffee if i’m going to make it at home. if i am out and about, i can stop by the local donut shop for a vanilla cappuccino. they taste great and are only $1.25 (which is a far cry from the $4.00 starbucks price tag).

if i have cake, brownies or a rich dessert, i have to have a really cold glass of milk. mmmmm. milk. i think i might be the only person in my family that likes to drink milk, sadly. michael won’t touch it and i can see that the girls are following in his milk-hating ways.

as far as adult beverages are concerned, i’m not a big drinker. i would say i have about 2 drinks a month on average. if micahel and i go out, we will have a beer together and sometimes i’ll have a glass of wine on the weekends, but i would rather drink my calories in a sweet tea at this point. i’ve noticed that drinking (even one drink) tends to give me a headache the next morning. that is no bueno when 3 little kids scream your name at 7:30 in the morning and continue to do so throughout the day. i think giving up alcoholic drinks all together would be very easy for me to do.

Story 29: Smell: “Flowerbomb”

you know how certain smells can bring you back to a time or place in an instant? i kinda love that. i love going about my business and then all of the sudden i’m transported to my grandparents house in arkansas city, kansas. it makes me smile…usually.

the drawers in the dresser in boston & teagan’s room still smells like my great grandma, pompoonzie’s house. it was hers before it was passed down to my mom and last year i got it.

when i smell pipe tobacco, i am instantly sitting with my grandpa, poppy. i love that smell. when he died, i kept a little bit of his tobacco, but it didn’t keep.

sometimes i’ll run across the brand of perfume i wore when michael and i first started dating and i’ll remember how much fun it was to get to know him.

it has been 20 years since i’ve been there, but i can still remember the smell of my childhood friend, megan’s, parents house. i used to smell it every once in a while, but it’s been a while.

when michael is out of town, i sleep on his pillow because it smells like him and makes me feel better.

there is a cologne at banana republic that smells just like the monte carlo hotel in las vegas. strange that i know that.

the smell i’m most attuned to is the smell of my mom’s perfume (flowerbomb). when both michael and i walk by another woman wearing it, we are stopped in our tracks. one day at sephora (a cosmetics store), her perfume was on an end cap and i decided to put it on. it made me cry right there in the store.

once, kelly told me that my house has always smelled the same no matter where i lived, which makes me think that i must have a certain scent. i hope that’s a good thing!

Cutting Back: Diner Baskets to the Rescue

July 13, 2012 by Lindsay Teague Moreno 2 Comments

It’s hard to put a price on convenience, especially when it comes to 3 little ones.

One thing we do to make our lives a little bit easier is use paper plates and paper bowls. It creates less mess, less dishes, less stress. I can simply throw everything away when the girls are done eating rather than have to spend a lot of time cleaning up. At this point, I only run the dishwasher once every 3 or 4 days.

Of course, paper plates and bowls cost more than running the dishwasher a few times a day. It’s the price we are willing to pay though. It’s my daily convenience fee. Still, M and I are trying to cut back on expenses right now, so I’ve been feeling a little guilty about the cost.

A few weeks ago, I posted a picture on instagram of a paper plate alternative that we’re using in the house to reduce the amount we spend on paper plates (we go through a costco package once or twice a month it seems). This picture seemed to garner a lot of positive response and questions, so I thought I’d post about it here if it was something that was working for us…and it is.

We’re using the old school diner baskets and pre-cut wax paper sheets.

I simply throw the wax sheets with extra food or junk in the trash and put the basket back in the cabinet for the next meal or snack when they’re done with it. Easy as that.

I got the Kabnet Wax paper sheets (2 boxes of 500 sheets) and the baskets (set of 5) from Costco. Sam’s Club has them also, if you don’t have a Costco in your area.

Together it was around $30 for both the paper and the baskets. The paper plates were running us around $15 for 150 plates (also from Costco/Sams) so you can see that the price difference is pretty significant.

The girls are doing great with it. I don’t find that the paper sheets leak any more than the paper plate does and they haven’t made a comment about not liking it. So, for now, we’re sticking with it.

31 Things: Story 26 & 27

July 12, 2012 by Lindsay Teague Moreno 1 Comment

Okay, here we are again.

I think the first one is going to hurt every time I read it down the road, but it’s real and that is what matters. I hope the girls understand how much I value my relationship with them when they read this story. I also hope I look back at this and smile at how much better I feel about my family situation as opposed to how I feel right now. I’ve left some of it private because I’m not trying to put anyone on blast here on the ‘ol blog. Plus, that’s not the point of this story, it’s just to paint a real picture of what our family situation looks like.

The second story makes me smile about how scrapbooking has come full circle for me over the years.

Story 26: Covet | “Maybe It’s the Grief Talking”

i know it’s a sin to covet, i’ve clearly not mastered this. there are a ton of things that i want. i’m selfish like that. it’s an area of opportunity in my life. fact.

the thing i want more than anything are family members that play an active role in our lives. really, i want family members that play an active role in my girls’ lives. i believe family is so important and yet, we find ourselves seriously lacking in this department.

this is probably a really serious and personal topic to be broaching in this kind of a forum, but i think it’s important to be honest about it.

look, i realize that my mom played an irreplaceable role in our family. she was the one that was fully invested in our happiness. she called, she video chatted, she saw us every month once we moved from arizona to colorado. she knew what we were doing and what was going on with us. i’m not sure why, but it feels good to be loved like that.

my brothers and i do talk more now than we did when mom was around…the same goes with michael’s siblings. michael’s sister crystal came to visit with her family and besides my aunt mary, they were the first and only family members to actually come and see us in reno. i love that they came out here. i hope we’ll make this something we do regularly with her family. … michael’s younger brother jacob is great. he visited with crystal this year, but he is still in high school, which makes traveling difficult. … michael’s grandparents love the girls so much but they have a hard time traveling. my grandma is very sick and i honestly don’t even know if she knows the girls’ names.

…and there you have it. all of the dirty laundry, if that’s what you want to call it.

it’s strange to hang out with friends and their families. it becomes painfully clear what we’re missing out on. it’s the helping hand. it’s the environment where we can just let the girls go and be themselves without worrying that they’re getting on someone’s nerves. it’s being able to just leave the girls with someone for a few hours or a couple of nights because they want that time with the girls.

so, like a jealous little kid, i covet the relationships that others have with their family and i feel very, very, very alone. maybe this is just grief talking, maybe it’s not. either way, it’s hard.

Story 27: Hobby | “Priorities Change”

this book, right here? this is my hobby.

the best thing about it is that my hobby serves a great purpose. someday, i’ll look through these books and laugh at all the crazy things we did. i’ll cry because my babies are so grown up now. i’ll be so glad that my hobby involves recording memories.

i got into scrapbooking in my last semester at arizona state (2003). i got so into it, in fact, that it became my job for a while. i worked at scrapbook stores and i created layouts for publication. i loved that job. i was good at it. when i started at university of phoenix and broke up with my ex-boyfriend, i let scrapbooking go. i quit all of my design teams and i didn’t pick it up again until right before i got married. even then, i only did it here and there. as soon as boston and teagan entered the picture, my scrapbooking days were over. though i missed it, i just didn’t make time for it.

priorities change.

fast forward 3 and a half years. i’m feeling guilty about not getting memories and kid stuff into books for the girls. it’s important to do that because you never know what might happen in life (see “listen” story). i came across the “project life” scrapbooking system and i immediately wanted to do it. i decided to try it digitally since all my scrapbook stuff is boxed up in the garage. i started in january and i’m going to keep at this. i hope i can catch up with my photos from the last 3 years and then give copies of these books to boston, teagan & kennedy when they’re older.

priorities change.

it is time for me to make our memories a priority again.

31 Things: Day 25

July 11, 2012 by Lindsay Teague Moreno 1 Comment

I’m baaaaaack.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I went out of town and the day after I got home, M left for his first year residency in Arizona for his doctoral program. He was gone for 5 days of intensive coursework and it doesn’t sound like that long, but it is a really long time when you’ve got 3 little ones all to yourself. Thankfully, my friend Becky came over the hill to visit for a couple of days with her 2 rugrats. My girls adore hers so it was nice to have them entertain themselves for a bit. She was a great distraction for me during my Mom’s birthday on the 8th.

Anywho, I have the latest installment of my 31 Things project today. This one is probably my longest story but I didn’t want to leave anything out! This is a good look into our almost 5 years of marriage.

Story 25 | Relationship: “Happiness & Sorrow”

i, michael/lindsay, do take thee, lindsay/michael, to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband. to honor, respect and to hold thy needs before mine own. to keep you as my one true love as God has ordained, for all of my life. this day i affirm before God and all witnesses my undying loyalty and pledge to forsake all others for you. to uphold you in sickness and health, to be your best friend, sharing in our happiness and sorrow, to always have compassion and love without reservation or reward. though life may be rich or poor, to you alone will i hold. to you this day before God i pledge this vow.

michael and i took these vows together almost 5 years ago. i have a hard time believing it’s been that long. i can honestly say that we’re as close now as we were the day we got married.

we have a great marriage, i believe.

this is all God. i know learning and living new roles as husband and wife is difficult work and it is by God’s grace that we have remained so in love. our marriage hasn’t always been easy, but it’s so good. i thank God for him a lot (not as much as i should, however). i shudder to think of what my life would look like without him around. if you read the “carry” story, you know my husband is just good peeps. i married up. fact.

just as our vows said, we’ve seen our share of both happiness and sorrow in these past (almost) 5 years. i thought i’d share a few of our best and worst relationship moments, a highlight and lowlight reel of sorts. i think it’s going to be a good look into what our future may look like. i hope so because the amazing moments shine all over those low moments. so much so, that i can hardly even see them.

Highlights:

-the day we said “i do” and God answered my prayer (in highly dramatic fashion) for some sunshine through the rain. it was a beautiful moment. i hope i never forget it.

-sleeping on the floor in what would be our future twins’ room on february 14, 2008 in our new home; the best house in the world for us. someday, i hope we can build a custom home that is this exact main floor plan.

-trying to get pregnant. just being honest! that part of the whole pregnancy experience was so awesome; by far my favorite part! something just comes over a woman who has “the babies.” all i could think about was my husband with no clothes on! can i get an amen?

-eating a canoli from mike’s pastry in boston before taking in a red sox game at fenway park. we travel well together.

-the birth of boston & teagan on december 7, 2008. at 3 lbs and 4 lbs. we know it is God’s hands that developed their lungs enough to avoid intubation and allow them to breathe on their own.

-getting hired to work from home for uop in january after the twins were born. this one was all God. the day i went out applying for jobs where i could work through the night (though i didn’t know when i would sleep), i got the call for this job. literally, the day.

-taking the leap to move to colorado despite no guarantees and the odds stacked against the idea. i’m so glad i have a husband that is willing to take risk and work hard for the payoff.

-surprising my mom on christmas eve with a visit to arizona. the 4 of us started our travel day at 3:30am to get there. she did not expect it and was so excited to see the girls. this was the last christmas she was alive. i’m so glad we spent it with her. thank God for that.

-getting pregnant with kennedy on our very first “try” on new year’s eve 2009. i realize now that even though it was quicker than we had planned on, if we had not gotten pregnant this month my mom would have never met addy and i would have been too pregnant to go to her funeral (addy was 3 weeks old when she died). a total God thing; i’m starting to see a pattern of this kind of thing, you?

-the birth of kennedy on september 24, 2010. i just love this little girl. having one baby is a completely different experience than twins. i don’t want to say it’s easy because that makes me sound like a total a-hole, but oh. my. gosh. it’s so easy in comparison.

-the way michael carried me through the death of my mother (and continues to do so). it is a horrible thing to have to tell your wife something so devastating and that was his position on October 21, 2010. he sat me down on the couch and said to me, “this is the hardest thing i’ll ever have to tell you.” he didn’t try to smother me, he didn’t try to tell me it was going to be okay and even though his heart was broken for him (he loved my mom), it was broken for me more. he knew just what i needed that night. because of him, i know how approach death with someone i love.

-graduating with our masters degrees – even through all the “stuff.”

Lowlights:

-putting up crown molding in our house in chandler. it was our first big fight and looking back, it was just because we were both so frustrated with it. i know i’ve said it like 5 times on this blog, but trust me. don’t do that crap on your own. hire it out.

-20 weeks pregnant and the perinatologist tells michael and i that he’s only giving boston a 50% chance of making it because of their ttts. ooooh, boy, that was a tough day. followed by a visit to the emergency room at 25 weeks where doctors told us that we would be delivering that day (if you want to see m completely break down, tell him his babies are going to be born at 25 weeks).

-i am 6 months pregnant with twins and my freelance job stopped paying my contract despite the fact that i was doing the work. no way i could find a job in that state. it was a really low feeling to be bringing babies into that situation.

-leaving the hospital with teagan and leaving one tiny boston in the nicu and knowing i wouldn’t be able to see her very much before she came home because a)i couldn’t drive after surgery and b)i couldn’t take teagan in the nicu with me so someone had to be with her at home.

-midnight-4:00am from december 31-february 7, 2009. this has got to be one of the toughest times for parents of twins. the girls would only sleep one at a time, would wake each other up, would not give their daddy and i more than about an hour of sleep at a time between feedings (if that, sometimes). breastfeeding them at the same time was a time-saver but i have never been so tired in my life. it was like torture some nights and when i would see my husband fall asleep while i was trying to feed them i would get so raging mad at him for no reason. this is also the time when we found out that michael is not a person that thinks with his rational mind in the middle of the night. he’s great in the mornings, but woooh, boy, watch out if he’s up at 3:00am against his will.

-leaving our chandler house that we loved. i hoped we might live in it again, but something told me we probably would never move back. i remember driving down the street to catch a few hours of sleep before catching the flight to co and crying.

-moving while 9 months pregnant to be closer to michael’s work. really, i don’t know how we did it. michael had a breakdown toward the end of the move, but we made it. turned out to be an excellent decision.

-the death of my mother and the subsequent walk through grief.

-leaving colorado that had become “home” to us for reno. i’m still holding out hope that God will send us back there and i know michael feels the same way.

i know our futures are full of more high highs and low lows. my hope for our relationship is that michael continues to grow as a christian man and leads our family in that direction. i know he can speak into my life and the lives of our girls in a way that no other person can. i hope i continue to grow as a christian woman and am a good example of what a wife and mother should look like. i pray that God will continue to bless us with a good relationship and that we will fall in love a little more each day.