In January, I decided I was going to take this year to do a few things very intentionally after working pretty much straight through for the last two years.
In 2015, I decided I needed to pick a word, I needed to set some intentions and I needed to stick to it. Thank you, Ali Edwards, for making things I can’t resist and sharing your ideas.
This year, I’m coming up on my 2-year-agreement with M. Let me back up a bit here. Almost 2 years ago (on March 25th), Michael and I were having a “discussion” (read: big huge argument) about my working all of the sudden after having sacrificed so much to land him his (at the time) dream job. We had both worked really hard to get him where he was and here I was ripping out the pages of the story we had told ourselves about the life we were going to have. After all either of us could say was said, I asked him, as the man I love and the person that loves me unconditionally to give me two years. “Give me two years to see what I can do with this. If it’s not ‘something’ in two years, I’ll walk away. I need you to let me do this.” Of course, being the man of pure gold that he is, he agreed. That was the day we were done fighting about it.
You better believe I laced up my shoes and started sprinting. I am coming up on two years of the hustle and I am literally almost breathless. My business is on FIRE; I mean it’s a raging forest fire, but I am out of breath. I had to fight off people that I believed wanted the best for me and instead wanted to use me and hurt me. I had learn to drown out the noise of those who wanted to tear me down with words and hurtful actions. I had to struggle with those who wanted to change the direction I knew I should be going. It has been a two year battle; the most amazing, rewarding, hard-fought battle of my life. I have sacrificed having other priorities, including my family. I have sacrificed all semblance of simplicity of life. I have sacrificed play. I have sacrificed focus. I have been successful but I am tired of the criticism, it’s not supposed to hurt coming from people that don’t know and love me but it does. You know where I believe all of it stems from? A false sense scarcity and unneeded competition.
It’s important that I stick to my word with M. I told him two years and I meant it. So, I’m preparing to put plans in motion so I can keep good on the promises I made. I’m not quitting, let me just say that straight out. I’m not, but I can’t keep up with the amount of people that need me. I have to have a plan to be able to enjoy my life and enjoy my work, which I do. I love my work. I am so passionate about what I do. This is something that is so so hard to do. I’ll never walk away. It’s a part of me like my arms and legs are a part of me. The Lemon Droppers are an extension of me. I just need to get more organized and I need to make room for the new! I’m going to be totally honest with you, this makes me worried about the fallout I’ll get from the 20,000 + people that depend on me. It makes me worry that I’m letting others down. You know who I’m really letting down? My circle. My family, my friends and myself. Each time I choose someone else that I don’t know ahead of them I feel shame and I know I show them with my actions that they don’t mean as much to me as someone on the other side of my computer.
In order to help me keep good on my intentions, I’ve decided to blog again. I am going to make it a priority. I’ve decided to do Project Life because I love it and it’s important to me that my kids have it. I have decided to write more because it’s a great way for me to help and teach others. I want to help others. I want to teach and mentor others, I just have to have time to do it. Right now I feel like I’m not doing anything with perfection. There are tiny chinks in everything and the people that end up sacrificing? My husband and kids. My people get more time than they do and that ain’t right.
This year I will:
REEVALUATE MY PRIORITIES
STRIVE FOR SIMPLICITY
WORK HARD | PLAY HARD
FOCUS ON ONE THING
ACT WITH VALOR
Starting this blog and making this post is valiant for me. Am I ready to be open on the web like this still? Yes, I am. Am I ready to commit to this? Yes, I am. Am I going to make this blog kick ass? Yes, I am.
Welcome to sunlightandair.dreamhosters.com. I hope you like it here. Throughout the coming month, I’ll try to fill up this blog with some of the best posts from my old blog before I shut that one down for good. I’ll be writing on business, scrapbooking, photography and my life. I hope you’ll follow along.